The Winter of Our Discontent
by Mrs.Captain.Rogers
Summary: Bucky and Steve have been inseparable for nearly their entire lives. When the war seperates them the fear they both feel and the unspoken love for each other is all they have. The pair meet an odd man by the name of Jack in a pub in while in London. Will he be enough to bring these two together in the one way they were never strong enough to on their own?
1. One More Try

Bright blue eyes peered up at Bucky from the thin couch cushions cradling his best friend. "What did I tell you about doing stupid stuff Steve?" He sighed and gently rubbed his flat chest through a worn cotton shirt.

"The guy was talking bad about you Buck. What was I supposed to do? He said all sorts of-" Coughs wracked Steve's thin frame as he got worked up again, cutting off his excuses. Bucky rolled his eyes and slapped Steve's thigh as he got to his feet.

"Calm down and focus on breathing while I get you some water, punk." Even from their tiny kitchen across the apartment Bucky could hear Steve muttering. "That isn't going to help Steve." Padding over on naked feet he thrust the cup into the smaller man's hands. With a pouting child's scowl Steve took the cup from his best friend and started sipping slowly.

"I can handle myself Bucky. You don't have to swoop in and save me every time. I'm not a dame." Bucky just smiled at the skinny man and nodded knowingly.

"I know I don't but somebody's got to keep you alive." Without another word on the subject Bucky excused himself once again to then kitchen. "Get some sleep and I'll wake you when supper is ready." He chuckled as Steve muttered about how big a bossy jerk he was.

"Wakey wakey sleeping beauty." The aroma of cooking meat pulled Steve from his dream world and into the land of the living.

"Don't. No please don't. Don't stop," he muttered still half asleep. Bucky's eyes glinted with concern, his dark brows knit together.

"Bad dream Stevie?" He gently perched on the arm of the faded couch. Steve righted himself slowly, stretching as he went, joints popping like the neighbor's back firing Ford.

"Don't remember but I don't think it was bad." Bucky nodded as the concern faded. He helped him to the small wooden table they shared their meals at. He tousled the blonde hair playfully before heading into the kitchen to fetch the food.

 _He always looks so cute when he's just woken._ Bucky watched Steve as they both ate. Glancing up Steve caught the gaze of those chocolate brown eyes.

"What something on my face?" His mouth was half full as he spoke.

"Don't talk with your mouth full. What would your mother say?" An exasperated sigh and a disgruntled face was the only response Bucky received. After their quiet meal and the dishes were done the two young men settled onto the worn out couch to listen to the latest news reports from the front lines. Bucky could see that stubborn tenacity that burning fire in Steve's sapphire eyes as the night and the reports wore on. "Don't even think about it punk. I know that glint in your eyes." The smaller man didn't even respond. Glancing over in shadows of their living room the larger of the pair could make Steve's form slumped down on the opposite end of the couch. The steady rise and fall of his chest under the thin shirt was it took for Bucky to know his best pal was sound asleep. With a soft smile and minimal effort Bucky scooped him up from the couch cushions and carried him to their shared bedroom.

His hands made quick work to strip Steve to his boxers and undershirt, despite the slight temple that plagued them. It wasn't the first time he'd undressed a sleeping Steve but the slight tremble always started whenever he did. Being so close to the frail naked body of his closest friend, his brother really, brought to mind thoughts he could never act on and feelings he could never express.

"Rogers, Steven." The dry voice rang through the crowded enlistment center. The newspaper hid the skinny blonde who rose from his chair and approached the bored looking man at the desk. Looking down at the kid's file he sighed. _How is this kid even alive?_ He wondered looking at the long list of diseases and ailments. "How did your father die?"

"Mustard gas, he was in the 107th and I was hoping to be assigned-"

"And your mother?"

"Tuberculosis, she was a nurse, caught it, couldn't shake it." He looked down at his nose at the kid with gleaming blue eyes. Grabbing the worn rubber stamp he sighed.

"Please just give me a chance." He sighed again at the kid's pleading eyes.

"I am. You could be denied on your asthma alone son." The shine in Steve's eyes was snuffed out like a candle as the dull thump of the 4F stamp on his file echoed in his ears.

Disheartened Steve sat in the dark movie theater, shadows shifting across the room. A few rows ahead some average joe was fussing about the news reels before the picture.

"Hey you want to shut up?" The fella stood, towering over Steve but he wasn't afraid and he wouldn't back down. He'd face bigger.

 _Bucky is gonna kill me if I make it out of this one._

Before he knew it Steve was back against a cold brick wall trying to fight the thug off. A blow to the jaw, a punch to the gut, the air nearly knocked out of his small frame but Steve kept fighting, scrambling for something, anything to fight with. Under a layer of discarded newspapers and cardboard Steve grasped the handle of a trash can kid. It was dented no dirty, practically trash itself, but it was enough for Steve. Ducking behind the lid he did his best to become as small as he could, not that it took much. The metal disk was wretched from his hands and thrown aside.

"Hey why do you pick on someone your own size?" The loud voice echoing in the alley was warm and familiar. Steve's heart skipped a beat and for more than one reason. The stranger turned to face the uniformed Sargent whose fist quickly connected with his ugly face. Gripping his shirt tight Bucky spun the man, pushing him toward the mouth of the alley kicking him square on the ass as he ran off scrambling to get away from the larger man.

"I could have handled it." Steve's grumbles bounces off the narrow brick walls that surrounded them.

"I know but I need to get you cleaned up. We've got a double date tonight." A thick lump formed in Steve's throat.

 _Oh joy, another dame who will look at me like a bug compared to Bucky. Why can't we just leave the dames behind and go together?_

Steve knew the answer to his own unspoken question. Sighing softly, his shoulder slumping gently, Steve did his best to the pain he was in but Bucky, as usual, saw right through it. The papers, the ones that had escaped Steve's coat pocket in the struggle, caught Bucky's eye on the dirty ground.

"Really Steve? New Jersey?" He shook head and tossed the papers into a nearby trash can deciding his lecture would only fall on deaf ears anyway.

"Where are we going tonight anyhow?" Steve's question pulled the Sargent in jaunty hat from his own thoughts. Bucky threw his arm around Steve's thin shoulders and smiled down at him.

"The future!"

Familiar chatter fell between the two men as they passed through the crowd. "Seriously Steve, you're about to be the last eligible man left in New York." Steve simply nodded as he kept walking not bothering to acknowledge the comment with a verbal response. That may have been the case but girls weren't exactly lining up to dance with a guy they could step on.

"Hey Bucky!" The call floated to them on the breeze over the wall of people. They approached the two young ladies, one dark haired and bright eyed while the other blonde with a pinched nose and an annoyed expression, no doubt a reaction to spying Steve at Bucky's side. The slight blonde couldn't help but roll his eyes. It wasn't in his nature to be rude, especially to dames, but this girl had it coming. He hadn't said two words to the girl and as usual her mind was already made up concerning Steve. Lights flashed and music filled the air drawing their attention toward the center stage.

"Oh it's starting, come on." Bucky's date had been the one to speak as she dragged him along by the sleeve to get a closer look. Steve trailed behind quietly. Bucky watched, eyes bright with wonder his mouth hanging open slightly as the car on stage began to hover slightly.

"Steve how amazing is this?" Glancing over his shoulder Bucky found his best friend had disappeared.

The warmth and gentle glow of the enlistment center enveloped Bucky as he entered his dark eyes darting back and forth looking for any sign of Steve. The excited chatter of a couple drew his attention to a recruitment display where he spied the skinny blonde stepping up. _He's too short._ Bucky shook his head, the corners of his mouth turning up as he watched his friend.

"Steve do you even know the point of a double date?" His best friend's voice snapped Steve out of his own thoughts. He felt a familiar hand resting on his shoulder. Sighing Steve looked up at Bucky.

Moving away from the display the two men came to face each other and silence hung in the air between them for a brief moment even as people continued to mill around them. "Are you really going to try this again?" The warm smile had disappeared from the brunette's face. His eyes narrowed and frustration bordering on anger was written all over his face.

"You know they're going to catch you or worse accept you." Steve's glare mirrored the anger and frustration in Bucky's.

"There are men laying down their lives. How can I do any less?" An exasperated groan escaped Bucky's mouth. Neither man noticed the middle aged bespectacled observer watching their tense exchange from nearby.

"Steve-"

"Bucky I can't work in the factories! What am I supposed to do collect scrap in my little red wagon?" Bucky flinched feeling the sting of his friend's words. Both men froze hearing a female voice call for Bucky's attention.

"Hey sarge aren't we going dancing?"

"Just don't do anything stupid while I'm gone." Steve smiled weakly as the tension eases slightly between them.

"How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you." Steve's shoulders slumped as he watched his best friend stride away to spend his last night at home with some ransom dame.

"Punk!" The corner of Steve's mouth turned up as he heard his friend.

"Jerk!"

Three beige walls and a curtain the same drab color surrounded the slender blonde as he waited. This was by far the furthest he'd ever gotten at an enlistment center. Steve wrung his hands, fidgeting slightly, chewing on his lower lip. The poster hanging to his right seemed to burn its words into the side of his head as he refused to look at it.

 **It is illegal to lie on your enlistment form**

Bucky's words burned in his mind. "He's just looking out for me. He just wants what's best for me. His muttered words fell on deaf ears as he sat alone. Blue eyes widened and shoulders straightened as a middle aged man in a white coat entered through the curtain.

"Rogers?" Steve nodded as he watched the balding man. "Wait here." Without another word be walked out replaced by silent stiff backed MP. His throat tightened and his heart began to race. Once again Bucky's words echoed in his head. _You know they're going to catch you..._

His hands trembled as he watched the door. _They've caught me. I'm dead._ Taking a deep breath he had a white knuckle grip on the table. The MP hadn't made a move one way or the other but Steve knew he had no chance if he tried to run for it.

A bespectacled man not much taller than Steve walked through the curtain. "Do you want to kill Nazis?" Before he could answer the man laid out multiple files. "Where are you from Mr. Rogers? New Haven or is it Paramus perhaps?" The man had a heavy German accent that cause the hair on the back of Steve's neck to stand on end.

"That uh that might not be the right file." He glanced up looking over the rim of his glasses.

"You didn't answer my question. Do you want to kill Nazis?" The firm set to Steve's jaw was a harsh contrast to the conflicted emotions shining in his bright eyes.

"I don't want to kill anyone. I don't like bullies, I don't care where they come from." The man in the white coat smiled at the young man's words. "Where are you from?" The doctor smiled at the common question.

"Queens but Germany before that." His response was automatic and Steve was sure it was hardly the first time he'd been asked. He nodded and watched the aged scientist. Dr. Erskine proceeded to explain the organization he worked for which confused Steve a bit but be kept his questions to himself. As he followed the good doctor out of the exam room something occurred to Steve.

 _I won't get to tell Bucky before he leaves. Who knows when I'll be able to tell him_ …

He watched with bright eyes as Dr. Erskine opened the file on the metal desk. "So soldier, where's the little guy from really?" Steve smiled sheepishly as he watched the doctor work.

"Brooklyn," he answered proudly his heart swelling in his chest as the stamp in Erskine's hand thumped on his record.

A1.


	2. Boot Camp

Winter chapter 2

"Barnes! Barnes you awake in there?" Bucky shook off the remnants of his daydream and turned his attention to his fellow soldiers. "You alright there Barnes?"

"Yeah I'm swell, just daydreaming."

"About what?"

"A pair of pretty blue eyes back home." All the young men around shared the same dreamy far off look, their own sweethearts fleeting across their minds.

"Is she pretty Searge?" The question came from a young man, a kid really, to Bucky's right. He couldn't help but smile gently as he looked over the slight young man.

"Prettiest you'll ever find. She's got amazing eyes, like sapphires, and hair like gold when the sun hits it just right and a body… I just can't keep my hands off." The same kid spoke again.

"Do you have a picture of her?" Bucky's broad shoulders slumped slightly as he shook his head.

"Didn't have the time or money to get one made before I shipped out but I've got the best picture of her up here." He tapped his temple with two fingers. "It'll never fade, never tear or get damaged, and I can never lose it. I can never forget my little beauty. Not even Adolf Hitler and is Nazi goons could rip that picture out of my mind." Sad smiles dotted the room and Bucky felt his ears burning under his hat.

 _If only they knew…_

The loud blaring of revelry shook Steve from his sleep. Panting hard he looked around.

 _I don't think I'll ever get used to that._

The scrawny kid scrambled to get dressed and hurried to the mess hall to get what little breakfast he could manage. His thin hands trembled slightly as he wolfed down his nasty breakfast. Glancing around Steve felt like a flea compared to the others around him.

 _What could he have ever found in me that he didn't find in one of them? What's so special about me?_

The dry breakfast sat in Steve's stomach like a rock as self-doubt began to gnaw at his insides. Were Bucky there he would have scolded the blonde for thinking so poorly of himself. If only Bucky were there…

The blinding New Jersey sun bore down on Steve and the other candidates as they stood at attention. He felt dwarfed by the men on either side of him. Steve squinted against the sun as an attractive brunette in a pencil skirt strode past before addressing the assembled group.

"I am Agent Peggy Cart and you gentlemen have been specially selected…" Her introduction was cut short by a large brute to Steve's right running his mouth. She closed the distance between them in a few short strides and stared him down. "What is your name soldier?"

"That'd be Hodge queen Victoria."

"Step forward Soldier."

With a smirk he stepped out of the lineup. "Are we gonna wrestle?" he taunted. Steve flinched as this dame, this Agent Carter, hit the larger man with a solid right hook and knocked him to the ground. She shook her hand out slightly as she walked away, leaving the smart mouth in a mound on the dirt. Steve bit down hard on his cheek to keep from chuckling.

"Get out of the dust Hodge!" The Colonel shouted and the brute scrambled to his feet. Once again Steve bit his cheek hard to keep his laughter internal,

The days passed in a blur for Steve. Hard days of belly crawling, rope climbing, and lung searing, asthma attack inducing miles of running. His mind often wandered to Bucky. Where was he? How was he feeling? Was he hurt? Was he even still alive? His mind was thousands of miles away wondering about the dark haired Sargent as he ran along the path, as usual struggling to keep up with the rest of the much larger men. His lungs burned, his legs ached, and his thin shoulders felt as though they would snap under the weight of his pack.

"Fall in!" The drill sergeant's shrill voice pulled Steve from his own mind. "Alright boys this flag pole marks the half way point of our run. The first one to reach that flag and put it in my hand gets to ride back in the jeep with agent Carter."

The rest of the group dropped everything and scrambled for the pole. A squirming mess of limbs and curse words they all fought for their shot at the flag. The slick white pole gave the men no purchase as many tried to scramble up its height. Shaking his head Steve took the moment to rest and catch his breath. He hung back silently observing not only his companions but the young woman in the jeep watching from behind piercing chocolate eyes.

Several minutes passed and not one of the men even got close to the pole's peak despite the shouts and encouragement from the drill sergeant. "Alright that's enough." Steve eyed the pole the corner of his mouth pulling up at the corners as he was struck with an idea.

 _Work smarter not stronger Stevie…_ Bucky's words echoed in his mind.

"Rogers, fall in!" He ignored the shrill shouts of the drill sergeant as he passed the rest of the group making a bee line for the pole. Kneeling he pulled first one small pin out followed by the larger cross bar from the flag pole. The collective watched silently as the pole fell to the grass. A slight smirk ghosted across Steve's lips as he fetched the flag. Pressing it into the drill sergeant's hands with only a simple "there you go," he hopped into the back of the rumbling jeep. Agent Carter glanced back at first the drill sergeant and then at Steve with a soft smile and a knowing gleam in her eyes.

"Mail Call!" The sharp voice jerked Bucky from his thoughts. "Johnson, Evans, Lee, Barnes…" Bucky caught the bundle as it flew at his chest. Return to sender, return to sender, return to sender. His heart began to ache as the red words flashed across each and every letter he'd addressed to Steve since arriving. Quickly going through the whole bundle his heart seized, only the letters to Steve. The ones sent to his younger sister, his mother, and his few buddies at the garage, none were present. Only the letters to Steve sat scattered across his bunk.

"He's refusing me. He hates me. He's given up on me..." The muttered words stopped as thoughts of much worse things began to flood Bucky's fretting mind. _What if he's hurt? What if they finally let him in and he's…_ Even his own mind couldn't even comprehend that terrible thought. _No I would know. I would feel it._

Another grueling day of boot camp rose on Steve and just like every day prior he pulled himself from his lumpy bunk, dressed quickly, and forced down a horrid breakfast before falling in line with the others. There was a charge in the air and Steve could tell something was different about this day. It was like when a thunderstorm hovered overhead and lightning surged in the sky but there wasn't a cloud in the blue sky.

"Pick it up ladies!" Agent Carter's stern voice rang out over the training field. Steve struggled to keep up as the others blasted through the pushups with ease. "My grandmother has more life in her, God rest her soul." Despite quivering muscles, burning lungs, and a dull throbbing at the base of his skull, the sure sign of a coming migraine, the blonde man couldn't help but smile.

 _The dame's got moxie, I'll give her that._

"On your feet." Agent Carter's words felt like a God sent blessing as he scrambled to his feet on shaky knees. Before he could even catch his breath the jumping jacks began and a new set of pains rumbled through Steve's lanky body.

Nearby ever the silent observer Dr. Erskine stood and watched the narrowed group of candidates with the Colonel. "You aren't going to pick Rogers are you?" He groaned glancing over at the shorter man to his right.

"He is the obvious choice."

"When you brought a 90 lb. asthmatic on my army base I said fine maybe he'll get better but to actually consider him? Why not Hodge? He's big and a soldier, he knows how to take orders."

"He's a bully."

"Wars aren't won with niceness doctor, they're won with guts." The commander pulled the pin on the small round object he had fetched from the truck bed they were leaning against. The object flew through the air landing square in the center of the gathered soldiers.

"Grenade!"

The rest of the soldiers, all larger and stronger, dove for cover fleeing like startled birds. Steve's bright eyes trained on the object and the small man dove in the opposite direction, heading for the center of the field right at the glinting object in the grass. Curling his thin body around the ball, eye clenched shut, he waited for the explosion, the pain, the end. His body convulsed, thin limbs flailing.

"Get back!"

Another moment passed, silence and tension heavy in the air as the others looked on waiting for the explosive to go off.

"It's a dummy grenade." The words struck Steve like a cold slap as he cracked first one blue eye and then the other. Slowly, hesitantly he sat up, uncurling from around the glinting object in the grass. He looked around, eyebrows raised clearly confused.

"Was this a test?" He squinted at the sun as he continued to look around. At the truck the Colonel scowled at the short scientist standing silently with a smirk on his aged features.

"He's still skinny."


	3. Return to Sender

Winter Chapter Three:

Thunder rumbled off in the distance as Steve sat in the empty bunk room alone. His small hand hovered over the nearly blank page.

 _Bucky,_

He hadn't heard from his best friend the entire time they'd been apart. Aside from the month one summer when Bucky was away visiting family when they were kids it was the longest time they'd been apart. At least back then Bucky had written Steve several times a week.

 _Are you really that mad at me? Have you given up on me, on us?_

His hands trembled as he picked up his pen. Once again he tried to write. He knew he was risking it all tomorrow and despite his bravado for those around him deep down he knew how high the chance was that he would not survive this. Steve may have been an optimist, hell he was bull headed stubborn most of the time, but he wasn't stupid. The word experiment had been used far too many times for this to be a sure thing. He had to tell Bucky the truth, couldn't leave this world without Bucky knowing.

Bucky,

I know we parted ways on bad terms but I know deep down we can't stay mad at each other for long. I was being a punk and an idiot. I'm sorry for the argument and I'm sorry for picking a fight. I just have to know you are alright. I know as you're reading this you're muttering about how I'm such a stupid punk but I know you're smiling, maybe for the first time in days. There's more to this than just an apology Buck. There is so much I want to tell you, that I have to say… That I've never been able to say. If anyone was to ever see this letter we would both be in so much trouble but there is too great a risk, I have to tell you the truth. I can't keep it hidden any longer. I love you Bucky but more to the point, I'm in love with you. I never had the courage to admit it to you. I know you probably don't feel the same but there is so much uncertainty these days. I couldn't wait any longer not when I know I may never see you again. There I've said it, ball is in your court Bucky. I understand if you never want to see me again.

Till the End of the Line,

Steve.

Hearing footsteps outside Steve quickly folded the letter and slipped it into the tattered bible that had been his grandmother's. Gathering up the things scattered across his bed he stashed the bible with the rest in his duffle.

"Steven?" The now familiar accent drew his attention to the door.

"Hey Doc, do you need me for something?" The older man groaned softly as he sank to the empty bunk across from Steve's.

"No, just came to talk." Steve spied the bottle and pair of glasses in Erskine's hands.

"Can I ask you something?" The question was quiet as he finished stashing his remaining things. The old man watched him curiously waiting for the soldier to speak.

"Why me? Why did you choose me?"

A knowing smiled spread across his worn face. "I suppose that is the only question that really matters isn't it?" He lifted the green bottle in his hand. "This is from Augsburg, my city. What many people seem to forget is that the first country the Nazis invaded was their own. After the last war Germany felt beaten down and weak. Hitler heard of my work, he came to me. He said to me, 'You will make us strong again.' I refused." Steve watched him bright eyed as he continued the story. Erskine set the bottle on the bare mattress beside himself. "He sent Johann Schmitt, head of HYDRA the Nazi deep science division. Schmitt was part of the inner circle and both he and Hitler share a passion for lore and mythology but for Schmitt it isn't just stories. He believes them to be real. He believes the gods left behind something for a superior man. He thought my formula would make him that man." Steve's blue eyes grew wide as he listened hanging on every word.

"Did it work?"

A weary expression passed over Erskine's features as he looked across at the bright eyed young man. "Oh yes it worked but there were unforeseen consequences. You see the formula enhances everything inside. Good becomes great… and bad becomes worse. That is why you were chosen Steven." Steve looked at him flustered.

"How so?"

"Because of what is in here." He tapped Steve's chest above his heart. "A big man who knows strength and power his whole life does not value it the way a small man does. Promise me something Steven, no matter what happens tomorrow you will remain true to who you are. Not a perfect soldier, but a good man." Steve could feel the heat on the back of his neck and on his cheeks at the older man's words. Reaching across the small distance between them the scientist handed Steve one of the small glasses he'd brought with him. He opened the bottle and poured a small amount in each glass. Steve raised the glass to his lips only to have a hand reach out and stop him.

"Wait, wait hang on what am I thinking? You have your procedure in the morning, no fluids, no fluids." The small man chuckled softly and handed the glass back.

"Okay we'll drink it after."

"After? I don't have a procedure, I'll drink it now. Ha drink it after."

Again Steve laughed and watched him. His blue eyes wandered over the duffle sitting at his feet and he felt as though the letter hiding inside was burning a hole right through it. Those words, those all-important words, hidden away once again yearning to be let out and be read by those who they were meant for.

Once alone he returned to packing. His packing done the blonde laid out his clothes for the next day, showered and returned to his bunk for one of the longest nights of his life.

The next morning greeted Steve like a slap to the face. It seemed as though he had just fallen asleep when he was being shaken awake.

"Time to go Rogers!"

Groaning as he sat up Steve spied his former drill sergeant glaring at him from the foot of his bed. "Agent Carter will be here in twenty minutes to fetch you. Now up up up!" He rubbed his face and swung thin legs over the edge, slowly getting to his feet as he stretched out the kinks. It had not been a pleasant night for the young man and he wasn't exactly excited about what was to come. His stomach was in knots as he dressed. He knew it was partly from the lack of food in the last eighteen hours but more than that it was the nerves. He sat quietly on the porch of the barracks watching life go on around him.

The car rattled to a halt a cloud of dust settling around it as the door opened. As she emerged from the back seat of the dark car Steve couldn't take his eyes off Agent Carter. She was in her usual coffee brown uniform but she looked amazing. The corner of his lips tugged up as he leapt to his feet.

"Good morning Agent Carter," he greeted as she crossed the grass to the bare steps.

"Good morning Mr. Rogers, are you ready to go?" She quickly spied the small duffle at his feet. He had never had much to his name and that had become even less without Bucky. The blonde nodded and scooped up his bag.

"Yes ma'am." His answer was quiet. She could easily read the tension in his shoulders, the fidget to his fingers, and the way he chewed on his bottom lip. This kid was scared out of his mind but doing everything in his power to try and hide that fact.

"Well then let's get a move on shall we?"

Adjusting his tie Steve crossed to the car, placing his olive green bag in the trunk, before climbing in the back with Agent Carter. The majority of the ride into the city was filled with awkward silence. Both sat stiffly in the backseat sneaking the occasional glance at the other. After quite a while it was Steve that spoke first.

"I know this neighborhood." Raising an eyebrow eyes like chocolate turned to him. "I got beat up in that alley." He pointed it out as they passed. The corners of her mouth tugged first one direction then the other as he continued. "And in that parking lot… and behind that dinner." An aura of defeat seemed to come over the small man as his eyes fell to the thin hands in his lap.

 _And Bucky saved me, almost every time._

"Did you have something against running away?" The question pulled him from his own thoughts. He looked across the car at her.

"Once you start running they'll never let you stop. Stand up, push back, eventually they'll leave you alone."

"I know a little of what that's like, having every door shut in your face."

Steve looked at her curiously.

"I guess I don't know why a beautiful dame like yourself would want to join the army…" Her knit brows and hard eyes told him instantly he'd said something wrong. "I mean a woman, not a dame- a uh an agent. Well you are beautiful… I-"

"You have no idea how to talk to a woman do you?" Her question cut him off completely. Steve chuckled softly, a gentle smile on his lips, as he responded.

"This is probably the longest conversation I've ever had with one. Women aren't exactly lining up to dance with a guy they might step on." Once against his head was ducked as he fiddled with his hands in his lap.

"Well surely you've danced…" Again he shook his head slightly.

"Asking a woman to dance always seemed so terrifying and well the last couple of years it didn't seem that important. Figured I'd wait…"

"For what exactly?"

Once again the corners of his lips tugged up at her question.

 _Bucky…_

"The right partner."

A real honest to God smile spread across her cheeks as she took in his answer. Before either could speak again their car pulled up to the curb at an antiques shop.

Exiting the car they made their way inside. A soft bell chimed over the door as they entered.

"Lovely weather we're having." The greeting came from an elderly woman behind the main counter. Steve's eyes scanned the room quickly taking in all sorts of odds and ends. When Agent Carter spoke he returned his attention to her.

"Yes but I always carry an umbrella." The woman smiled warmly as she pressed a button below the counter. A door opened and Steve followed the agent through it having no idea what to expect.


	4. New Beginings and Old Dreams

Winter Chapter Four:

Steve walked through bare corridors alongside Agent Carter. Behind his thin chest Steve's heart pounded loudly echoing in his ears. It took everything in him to not turn around but he'd never run from a fight. If he turned and ran from this he'd be running from the biggest fight of all.

 _Bucky I wish you were here. Just wish I could see you one last time if this goes wrong…_

Brown eyes watched him inquisitively as they walked through the empty halls. Agent Carter's heels echoed as they walked. "Are you ready Steve?" she asked gently as they approached an intimidating door guarded by an intimidating pair of MPs.

"Hmm? Oh I suppose there's no turning back now," he replied and followed her down to the waiting work floor. Dr. Erskine was flitting back and forth, simply a white blur flashing around the room.

"Oh Steven, you're here. Good. Now please remove your hat, tie, and shirt." Steve nodded to the orders and removed his hat. Peggy held out her hand and took it from him followed by his tie. She noticed the slight tremble to his hands as he worked the buttons down his shirt. "Good now get in."

The thin man climbed into the cradle of the chamber. Agent Carter smiled gently at him. "See you on the other side, Steve." Her words were soft and reassured his frayed nerves.

"How does it feel?" Dr. Erskine asked coming to the left side of the pod.

"A little big…"

"If this works properly that will change my boy," he replied. A gentle smile spread across his aged features.

A pretty blonde nurse came into his limited range of sight. A cold slight burn spread across his arm as she swabbed his skin with cleansing alcohol. The flash of a needle caught his gaze.

"And we will begin by giving the subject an injection of the serum…" Dr. Erskine explained into a microphone for the watching crowd of scientists, military personnel, and politicians. "Agent Carter wouldn't you be more comfortable in the booth?" he asked quietly. She nodded and excused herself to the box. Steve stared up at the pretty blonde in the white nurse uniform. The sharp prick of a needle caused the young man to grit his teeth. Pressure under his skin alerted him to the fluid entering his blood stream.

"That wasn't so bad." Dr. Erskine looked at him and frowned slightly at the boy's words.

"That was penicillin."

Steve bit his lip at the words. _That wasn't it? What is the real thing going to feel like?_

His frail heart began to race in his chest. Flashes of silver and blue caught his gaze as the nurses loaded the vials of serum into the machine. Dr. Erskine narrated the procedure explaining as they worked. Despite the terror that was ripping through his thin frame Steve put on a brave face. This was his one chance to fight, his one chance to do his part.

A loud hiss echoed through Steve's ears as the injectors lowered. The cold sting of metal made the hair on his arms and legs stand on end. The elderly doctor came into his view. "Good luck my boy." He smiled reassuringly and the chamber closed. He tapped on the small glass window. "Steven are you alright right?"

"I'm guessing it's too late to go to the bathroom." The elderly man smiled at the quip. Outside of the pod Steve could hear the good doctor explaining how the procedure worked. He grit his teeth, jaw clenched tight as the blue liquid rushed into his blood stream. Right away he began to feel a change, every part of him tingled.

"And now we will expose the subject to vitarays to speed up the process" he said. A heat started filling around him. First just a gently warmth like your fingertips when you've come in from the snow. It was pleasant at the beginning but it was rapidly growing hotter like a fire gaining power and strength ripping through him. The light was becoming blinding and he clenched his eyes shut against it.

A shout ripped out of Steve's throat. Outside the chamber the frantic voices of Dr. Erskine and his staff bounced off the walls of the room.

"Shut it down! Shut it down!"

The distress in Peggy's voice reached Steve even through all the pain. She hardly knew him but he had only heard that tone that fear twice before, first from his mother and last from his best friend. It was that distress that before had urged him to stand back up when those strong than him pushed him down and it was that distress that urged him to keep going now even through the bone crunching, muscle shredding pain.

"No! No! I can do this!" His shout came clear through the brightness inside the chamber. "Let me do this!"

The scientists all paused and looked at the man in charge. He nodded and let the experiment continue. All around them the lights dimmed as the silver machine surged one last time giving all it had just as Steve was. Several lightbulbs popped and sparks burst from the shattering glass. The lights came back up and the machine raised the chamber upright and it slowly opened with a hiss.

"Steven!" Footsteps echoed through the room as the scientists, Howard Stark, and agent Carter all hurried over to see if the experiment had been a success. Steve leaned out of the pod, gripping the side tightly for balance. His chest moved rapidly as he panted to catch his breath. It was the first time in his life he had panted and not immediately gone into an asthma attack. "Steven how do you feel?" Dr. Erskine asked looking at the once frail man.

"Taller."

Peggy couldn't help but smile as they helped him down out of the chamber. Howard and the doctor shared a glance as they all saw what had become of Steve. A thin layer of sweat covered his now sculpted torso. The blonde nurse from before was next to the agent and couldn't help but gaze at the man before her. Peggy took the shirt from the nurse and held it up for him.

"Yes um yes well you certainly do look… different now," she stammered. The crowd that had gathered to see the experiment was gathering around him as Steve shrugged on the SRR t-shirt. A whirl wind of handshakes were interrupted by a loud explosion. Heat and flames ripped through the upper portion of the room followed by the Pop Pop Pop of gunfire. Steve's head spun as he moved to find the source of the shots. A lean dark headed man in a suit was firing from the stairs out of the lab. Both Agent Carter and the armed MPs were firing at the man but to no avail. His bullets found their target, a dark red stain rapidly spread across the good doctor's lab coat. Steve rushed to his friend's side and looked down fear and sorrow rapidly filling his blue eyes. Unable to speak through the pain the elderly pan reached up and tapped Steve's chest just above his heart. To anyone watching, the gesture would have been pointless but Steve understood clearly the man's unspoken last words.

Half a world away Bucky sat in the trenches miserable. A cold rain trickled down and no amount of collar tucking could keep it off the back of his neck. It was quiet on the front and Bucky wasn't up for guard patrol for several hours. The young man slowly drifted off to a fitful sleep. His mind wandered back across the turbulent ocean to a small apartment in Brooklyn. He entered the door and was washed over with the warmth of their small stove and the aroma of stew. If there was one thing Sarah had taught her son it was to cook. Tempted by the warm scents wafting from the kitchen Bucky shrugged out of his soaked coat and kicked off his mud splattered boots.

"Stevie?" he called, his voice echoing through the barely furnished apartment.

"Back here Buck." The words came from the small bedroom they shared. As alluring as the scents of dinner were the soldier was more interested in seeing his friend. "Hurry up I want to show you something before we eat." Long strides on long legs put him at their bedroom door in two blinks.

"I'm coming Steve. What's got you in such a hurry?" He pushed open the door to find a strange sight. His small friend was settled in the middle of the two beds which had been pushed together. It wasn't this part that was strange, it wasn't uncommon for them to push the beds together and sleep side by side for warmth, especially in the cold Brooklyn winters. It was the fact that the blond was sitting atop the blankets wearing nothing but a smile.

Azure eyes stared at him as Bucky was struck silent. His eyes scanned every inch of exposed milky flesh laid out before him. "What uh… what did you want to show me Stevie?" he asked taking one step into the room.

"I'm through planning games Bucky. I think we are both feeling the same thing." Steve's gaze moved down from his best friend's face to his waist. 'If you want this come and get it…" Bucky couldn't tear his eyes away as he crossed the room slowly stripping out of his tie and shirt. Steve didn't move an inch as the taller man moved toward him. "Kiss me Bucky," he whispered, his words would have been missed had the sergeant been any further away. He leaned in closer, lust, fear, and excitement mixing in his eyes. "I want it Bucky and I know you do too." The words were barely breathed. "I love you."

Without any more prompting from the smaller man Bucky leaned in closing the tiny gap between them pressing his chapped lips against Steve's. His eyes slowly closed and his limbs felt like jelly as he sank to the bed slowly not daring to break the kiss. If it broke this moment could end, the magic bubble would pop. Steve's hand cupped Bucky's cheek as he slowly pulled away but the soldier leaned in searching once more for those sweet lips. "Steve please," he mumbled and tried again. Eyes like sunshine through whiskey slowly opened and stared into those like the sea during a storm. A large calloused hand reached out and touched the pale chest waiting for it. "You're so beautiful. I've always thought so but never been able to say it." A touch of pink flooded Steve's cheeks and ears. He leaned in slowly trying to steal another kiss, his eyelids sinking down but something strange interrupted him.

"Barnes wake up!"

The voice was harsh and a slap of cold hit Bucky across the face. "Barnes come on wake up!" There was fear in the voice and it took him a moment to realize it wasn't his friend, possibly his more than a friend, speaking to him. Despite everything inside telling him not to do it, Bucky forced his eyes open. He was met with a harsh nightmare compared to the comforting dream he had left behind. Planes flew overhead and all around him, through the rain and snow, Bucky could hear gunfire and screams. The perfect moment with Steve, that moment of blinding honesty and pure emotion, had all been in his head.


	5. Hail Hyda!

Winter Chapter 5

Almost like a flipping switch Steve sprang into action. His eyes caught Agent Carter's for a split second before bolting after the gunman. Shouts and pained cried faded behind him as the young man ran.

"Stop!" His voice echoed through the corridor as the armed enemy plowed past the armed MPs firing as he went. The elderly woman Agent Carter had spoken with upon their arrival stood at the ready, shock gun in hand, prepared to stop the stranger. Only one shot was fired before she collapsed to the dingy carpet. Steve was quickly gaining on the dark haired man.

The speed and power of his new body almost scared Steve. He felt like a new born calf, unsteady on his legs but knew his own insecurities and fears would have to wait. This man had to be stopped. His bare feet slapped on the hard wet street as he scrambled after the man.

The blaring of a horn shook Steve out of his mind. Eyes like a clear sky scanned the area looking for the enemy and the source of the noise. Once again the loud popping of gunfire drew Steve's attention toward an unfolding scene halfway down the block. Agent Carter stood, weapon drawn and rapidly firing, planted in the middle of the street. The brave young woman was staring down the front end of a black four wheeled bullet. The hum of the engine grew as the driver floored it, his intent obviously clear. Throwing all of his power and speed into it, Steve lunged at the agent pushing her out of danger.

"I had him!" Her venomous shouts followed him as he bolted after the fleeing vehicle.

"Sorry!" His apology drifted over his broad shoulders. The young soldier pushed his new body harder, urging himself to go faster, after the fleeing enemy. Heartbeats echoed in his ears as he ran. For the first time in his life his lungs didn't burn, his muscles didn't scream, and his heart didn't try to push out of his chest. Enemy gun fire filled the street as Steve swung the corner. His new found momentum kept him going straight into the front window display of a bridal shop. He shook off the veil caught around his arm and tried to right the mannequin that had been upended in the collision. Once again his calls of apologies trailed behind him.

With the feeling of gravity at half power Steve leapt and landed on the roof of a quickly moving car. Like a cat hopping along a fence line he moved from car to car much to the terror of those inside. It may not have been the safest way to catch up but it was certainly the fastest. He had no idea what he would do but deep inside Steve knew he had to catch the man who had gunned down such a brilliant mind as the good doctor.

A faint grin passed over his lips as he moved within a car length of his quarry. Bullets ricocheted off the car as he was once again fired upon. With a deep breath Steve jumped and landed hard on the roof of the yellow lucky star cab.

 _Bucky forgive me for being so stupid._

It was the only thought that ran through his head as he gripped the roof the rampaging vehicle. The bang of the gun and the snap of the metal below him pulled Steve out of his mind and back into the moment. Once, twice, three times the gunman fired. The third bullet managed to find its target grazing Steve's side along the ribs. The car swung a corner into the wharf and collided with a truck. The blonde man held on for dear life, denting the metal near the door frames, as the car rolled, knocking on yellow door completely loose. The gunman scrambled from the wreck the moment it stopped moving, firing once at Steve then turning his gun on a crowd of civilians nearby. Women screamed and pulled back but to no avail as he wretched a young boy loose from his mother.

Turning his attention back at the soldier he fired once again. The cab door that had fallen off in the heat of the moment had turned into a make shift shield. Steve peeked around as the man fled with the boy away from the street and deeper into the docks.

"Stop!" His shouts were ignored. As they neared the water's edge the gunman gripped the boy tight. "Stop, let the boy go." Once again Steve's words were ignored as the dark haired man pushed the boy free of his grip and into the murky water below. Steve, who only knew how to swim in the first place thanks to Bucky, ran to the edge as the assailant hurried away. A sigh of relief escaped his lips as the soldier spied the boy treading water down below.

"It's okay! I can swim. Go get him," the boy cried loudly from the water below and waved as he began to swim toward the nearest dock. With a nod Steve hurried after the wiry dark haired man. Just out of reach he watched the man climb down into a funny looking boat of sorts.

It was dark and shiny, clearly made of primarily glass and metal. A hood, like those on the fighter planes Steve had seen at USO airshows, came down sealing the greasy man inside. It began to sink down below the water surface, the engine hum and the whir of the propeller stirring up a bubble trail.

Steve dove in the murky water intent on catching the man who had killed such a great man as Dr. Erskine and had destroyed the only remaining vial of the serum that had made Steve what he was. As he swam after the odd mini submarine his lungs began to burn from lack of air. Strong legs kicked propelling him through the dingy water after the strange submarine. One last hard kick thrust him within reach of the sub allowing Steve to pull the shell off. The man seemed shocked as large hands grabbed him, wrenching him from his seat and pulling him toward the surface. To anyone on the dock it must have looked like a fish being tossed on shore as Steve launched the assailant from the dirty water and onto the concrete above.

He winced slightly feeling the burn along his ribs from the earlier graze of the gunman's bullet. Once on the dock Steve grabbed the stranger by the shirt. The last remaining vial of blue serum landed on the wet ground, shattering. The last of Dr. Erskine's work seeped into the ground.

"Who the hell are you?" His words were hard and demanding. A sick laugh escaped the man as he grinned like a fool up at the young man. He reached up with his tongue and dislodged a capsule.

"The first of many. Cut off one head, two more shall take its place," he replied as he bit down hard on the small pill. "Hail Hydra!" His final words came through a cloud of foam forming in his mouth as the cyanide did its job.

Steve slowly got to his feet and for the first time since stepping out of the chamber in the lab he looked down at his new body. Thin spindly limbs were replaced with strong, muscular ones. Narrow shoulders, weak legs, and asthmatic lungs were all now whole and strong. For the first time in his life the man inside, the courage inside, matched the man outside.

AN:

Just wanted to say I am so sorry for taking this long to update. The holidays were crazy and I've been suffering some major writer's block but now that the semester has started I can hopefully use some down time between classes to get more writing done. I hope this one wasn't too bad. I do really well with dialog and description but action scenes are not my forte. Anyway ENJOY!


	6. Crappy Coffee

A cold fog crept like the enemy through the trenches sending a shiver down Bucky's spine. He hated guard duty, he especially hated guard duty when it was raining. The turmoil running rampant through his mind was doing much more to chill him than the linger fog.

 _I never thought he would just cut me out like that. Sure he would reject me, I saw that coming, but to just never say another word to me_ _…_ _Steve must really hate me now._

He refused to let the other option even enter his mind. Off in the murky distance the sky lit up for a brief moment before the light died again. A soft rumble followed leaving the sergeant wondering if it had been an encroaching thunderstorm or an encroaching enemy. A small voice to his right pulled Bucky out of his thoughts.

"Hey Bucky," the words were simple but even that phrase in that soft tone pulled Steve to the front of his mind. "I brought you some coffee, thought you could use it."

As his eyes adjusted back to the murky darkness Bucky saw the young solider from the ship, the one who had asked about his girl. The corner of his mouth tugged up as he reached out to take the cup.

"Thanks kid."

They sat there in silence for a moment or two just listening to the rain that had finally reached them after threatening like yet another enemy all day. Cold rain drops dipped down the back of Bucky's neck as his eyes scanned the surrounding landscape.

"Where did you say you were from?" His question broke the rainy quiet.

"Richmond, down in Virginia." Bucky couldn't help but notice the slight tremor in the young man's hands.

"You alright?" The concerned tone in his voice had come from years of dealing with Steve. He touched his shoulder gently and looked into his eyes, bright blue eyes just like Steve's. Rapidly nodding his head the boy pulled away.

"Yeah just jittery. I've never been this far from home and well my mom begged me not to enlist but if I didn't then everyone would think I was a coward." This wasn't the first conversation like this Bucky had endured since arriving on the battle front.

"What did you say your name was again?" The dark haired boy looked up from where he'd stooped down.

"Jacob."

"Well Jacob of Richmond, Virginia, I promise I'm gonna do everything in my power to make sure you get home back to your mom and sister." Blue eyes stared up at him in awe wondering how he possibly could have known about Emily.

"How did you…"

"You talk in your sleep kid." Bucky smiled warmly and tossed back the rest of the gritty black coffee. "Now speaking of, go get some rest. Who knows what tomorrow will bring for us." With a tip of his hat the young solider disappeared into the murky gloom of the trenches.

An ocean away Steve sat in the medical lab nursing his own cup of gritty badly made coffee. The crook of his arm was sore from all the blood drawing but as Peggy had said the key to the good doctor's serum now lies in his blood. Physically he was right as rain but emotionally he was exhausted. His knee bounced, a nervous habit he'd developed as a child, as he sat waiting for the next person to walk in.

The door swung open with a squeak allowing Agent Carter and the Colonel to enter the small exam room. Peggy crossed the room and pressed a small pad of gauze to the crook of Steve's arm where the nurse had just removed a needle from yet another blood draw.

"Sir, if you're going after Schmidt, I want in." Steve was insistent. Peggy could see the hard gleam of determination in his eyes. Colonel Phillips' reaction was far from unexpected.

"You're an experiment. You're going to Alamogordo."

"The serum worked."

"I asked for an army and all I got was you. You are not enough."

Steve grit his teeth. He had heard that his entire life and now he was more than capable to prove the man before him otherwise and yet he remained where he was. Yes he had the ability and power to get back at Colonel Phillips now but what would be the point. It would just make him like all those people who had mistreated him his whole life. No, Steve knew he would prove he was enough but not here, not now.

Steve stood backstage shaking his head as he looked at himself in the mirror. "This is not what I was expected when I joined the army…"

"Rogers five minutes!"

The words pulled Steve out of his head. The spangley outfit would not have been his first choice but he still got to help the war effort. Red and white stripes around his middle led up to a torso of blue with a white star blazing across his chest.

 _How did I get talked into this? I guess it_ _'_ _s still better than a science lab_ _…_

"Rogers let's go!"

Out on stage Steve could hear the girls' music cue and tugged on the cowl. It hugged his face and neck and brought back more than a few memories of asthma attacks long past. A bright white A across his forehead and white wings on the side made him feel like a fool but what other choice did he have.

"You got this." The senator's assistant said handing him the shield. Thick red leather gloves made his grip difficult but they matched the clunky pirate boots that finished off the costume. Steve got as good a grip on the shield as he could before running out on stage. The slew of USO girls moved around him singing the annoying song he had listened to a hundred times before. He quickly blocked out the upbeat music and the girls swarming around him focusing on his speech.

The first show went swimmingly well considering all things but afterward Steve couldn't help but feel dirty. This isn't what Dr. Erskine had wanted for him. Despite everything he knew he was meant for more.

Slumping in his seat on the bus Steve's thoughts wandered to his best friend. His mail had been pull on hold at the post office back in Brooklyn and he could only wonder how many letters from Bucky were waiting there for him. The soft breathing of the girls sleeping around him made Steve yearn for those quiet snowy nights next to Bucky, their thin small cots pushed together to keep warm.

Digging through his bag Steve pulled out some of his drawing paper and a pencil. It had been far too long, it was time Bucky knew what had happened to him. The weight of that one letter hidden away in his trunk fell on Steve's chest as he began to write.

Dear Bucky,

I hope my letter finds you well… well as well as can possibly be hoped for. I hear the winters over there are brutal so I pray you are keeping warm and dry. You'll never guess what happened. I finally got accepted into the army. Now I know you'll be grumbling as you read this but it's not like you think. I volunteered for a special program and now I'm big and strong. Bucky for practically the first time in my life I'm actually healthy. I can't say much more but I just wanted you to know I'm okay and I miss you. Be safe out there and hope I see you soon brother.

-Steve.

This letter was safe, this letter he could actually send to Bucky and not feel like he's risking his life or his friendship.

 _I love you Bucky_

His thoughts echoed in his mind as he folded the letter and tucked it away before slowly drifting off to sleep in the lumpy bus seat. 

A/N

I am terribly sorry for taking so long to post this chapter. I've been so busy with school and working both jobs but I have been pondering and plotting ahead and have some fun stuff planned. I've also been planning on a new collective piece of soulmate one shots. It will mostly be MCU characters but I'll probably do some supernatural and doctor who characters as well. If you have a pairing you'd like to see feel free to message me and I'll see what I can come up with. Thanks for reading!


	7. Taller

Steve walked through bare corridors alongside Agent Carter. Behind his thin chest Steve's heart pounded loudly echoing in his ears. It took everything in him to not turn around but he'd never run from a fight. If he turned and ran from this he'd be running from the biggest fight of all.

 _Bucky I wish you were here. Just wish I could see you one last time if this goes wrong…_

Brown eyes watched him inquisitively as they walked through the empty halls. Agent Carter's heels echoed as they walked. "Are you ready Steve?" she asked gently as they approached an intimidating door guarded by an intimidating pair of MPs.

"Hmm? Oh I suppose there's no turning back now," he replied and followed her down to the waiting work floor. Dr. Erskine was flitting back and forth, simply a white blur flashing around the room.

"Oh Steven, you're here. Good. Now please remove your hat, tie, and shirt." Steve nodded to the orders and removed his hat. Peggy held out her hand and took it from him followed by his tie. She noticed the slight tremble to his hands as he worked the buttons down his shirt. "Good now get in."

The thin man climbed into the cradle of the chamber. Agent Carter smiled gently at him. "See you on the other side, Steve." Her words were soft and reassured his frayed nerves.

"How does it feel?" Dr. Erskine asked coming to the left side of the pod.

"A little big…"

"If this works properly that will change my boy," he replied. A gentle smile spread across his aged features.

A pretty blonde nurse came into his limited range of sight. A cold slight burn spread across his arm as she swabbed his skin with cleansing alcohol. The flash of a needle caught his gaze.

"And we will begin by giving the subject an injection of the serum…" Dr. Erskine explained into a microphone for the watching crowd of scientists, military personnel, and politicians. "Agent Carter wouldn't you be more comfortable in the booth?" he asked quietly. She nodded and excused herself to the box. Steve stared up at the pretty blonde in the white nurse uniform. The sharp prick of a needle caused the young man to grit his teeth. Pressure under his skin alerted him to the fluid entering his blood stream.

"That wasn't so bad." Dr. Erskine looked at him and frowned slightly at the boy's words.

"That was penicillin."

Steve bit his lip at the words. _That wasn't it? What is the real thing going to feel like?_  
His frail heart began to race in his chest. Flashes of silver and blue caught his gaze as the nurses loaded the vials of serum into the machine. Dr. Erskine narrated the procedure explaining as they worked. Despite the terror that was ripping through his thin frame Steve put on a brave face. This was his one chance to fight, his one chance to do his part.

A loud hiss echoed through Steve's ears as the injectors lowered. The cold sting of metal made the hair on his arms and legs stand on end. The elderly doctor came into his view. "Good luck my boy." He smiled reassuringly and the chamber closed. He tapped on the small glass window. "Steven are you alright right?"

"I'm guessing it's too late to go to the bathroom." The elderly man smiled at the quip. Outside of the pod Steve could hear the good doctor explaining how the procedure worked. He grit his teeth, jaw clenched tight as the blue liquid rushed into his blood stream. Right away he began to feel a change, every part of him tingled.

"And now we will expose the subject to vitarays to speed up the process" he said. A heat started filling around him. First just a gently warmth like your fingertips when you've come in from the snow. It was pleasant at the beginning but it was rapidly growing hotter like a fire gaining power and strength ripping through him. The light was becoming blinding and he clenched his eyes shut against it.  
A shout ripped out of Steve's throat. Outside the chamber the frantic voices of Dr. Erskine and his staff bounced off the walls of the room.

"Shut it down! Shut it down!"

The distress in Peggy's voice reached Steve even through all the pain. She hardly knew him but he had only heard that tone that fear twice before, first from his mother and last from his best friend. It was that distress that before had urged him to stand back up when those strong than him pushed him down and it was that distress that urged him to keep going now even through the bone crunching, muscle shredding pain.

"No! No! I can do this!" His shout came clear through the brightness inside the chamber. "Let me do this!"

The scientists all paused and looked at the man in charge. He nodded and let the experiment continue. All around them the lights dimmed as the silver machine surged one last time giving all it had just as Steve was. Several lightbulbs popped and sparks burst from the shattering glass. The lights came back up and the machine raised the chamber upright and it slowly opened with a hiss.

"Steven!" Footsteps echoed through the room as the scientists, Howard Stark, and agent Carter all hurried over to see if the experiment had been a success. Steve leaned out of the pod, gripping the side tightly for balance. His chest moved rapidly as he panted to catch his breath. It was the first time in his life he had panted and not immediately gone into an asthma attack. "Steven how do you feel?" Dr. Erskine asked looking at the once frail man.

"Taller."

Peggy couldn't help but smile as they helped him down out of the chamber. Howard and the doctor shared a glance as they all saw what had become of Steve. A thin layer of sweat covered his now sculpted torso. The blonde nurse from before was next to the agent and couldn't help but gaze at the man before her. Peggy took the shirt from the nurse and held it up for him.

"Yes um yes well you certainly do look… different now," she stammered. The crowd that had gathered to see the experiment was gathering around him as Steve shrugged on the SRR t-shirt. A whirl wind of handshakes were interrupted by a loud explosion. Heat and flames ripped through the upper portion of the room followed by the Pop Pop Pop of gunfire. Steve's head spun as he moved to find the source of the shots. A lean dark headed man in a suit was firing from the stairs out of the lab. Both Agent Carter and the armed MPs were firing at the man but to no avail. His bullets found their target, a dark red stain rapidly spread across the good doctor's lab coat. Steve rushed to his friend's side and looked down fear and sorrow rapidly filling his blue eyes. Unable to speak through the pain the elderly pan reached up and tapped Steve's chest just above his heart. To anyone watching, the gesture would have been pointless but Steve understood clearly the man's unspoken last words.

Half a world away Bucky sat in the trenches miserable. A cold rain trickled down and no amount of collar tucking could keep it off the back of his neck. It was quiet on the front and Bucky wasn't up for guard patrol for several hours. The young man slowly drifted off to a fitful sleep. His mind wandered back across the turbulent ocean to a small apartment in Brooklyn. He entered the door and was washed over with the warmth of their small stove and the aroma of stew. If there was one thing Sarah had taught her son it was to cook. Tempted by the warm scents wafting from the kitchen Bucky shrugged out of his soaked coat and kicked off his mud splattered boots.

"Stevie?" he called, his voice echoing through the barely furnished apartment.

"Back here Buck." The words came from the small bedroom they shared. As alluring as the scents of dinner were the soldier was more interested in seeing his friend. "Hurry up I want to show you something before we eat." Long strides on long legs put him at their bedroom door in two blinks.

"I'm coming Steve. What's got you in such a hurry?" He pushed open the door to find a strange sight. His small friend was settled in the middle of the two beds which had been pushed together. It wasn't this part that was strange, it wasn't uncommon for them to push the beds together and sleep side by side for warmth, especially in the cold Brooklyn winters. It was the fact that the blond was sitting atop the blankets wearing nothing but a smile.

Azure eyes stared at him as Bucky was struck silent. His eyes scanned every inch of exposed milky flesh laid out before him. "What uh… what did you want to show me Stevie?" he asked taking one step into the room.

"I'm through planning games Bucky. I think we are both feeling the same thing." Steve's gaze moved down from his best friend's face to his waist. 'If you want this come and get it…" Bucky couldn't tear his eyes away as he crossed the room slowly stripping out of his tie and shirt. Steve didn't move an inch as the taller man moved toward him. "Kiss me Bucky," he whispered, his words would have been missed had the sergeant been any further away. He leaned in closer, lust, fear, and excitement mixing in his eyes. "I want it Bucky and I know you do too." The words were barely breathed. "I love you."

Without any more prompting from the smaller man Bucky leaned in closing the tiny gap between them pressing his chapped lips against Steve's. His eyes slowly closed and his limbs felt like jelly as he sank to the bed slowly not daring to break the kiss. If it broke this moment could end, the magic bubble would pop. Steve's hand cupped Bucky's cheek as he slowly pulled away but the soldier leaned in searching once more for those sweet lips. "Steve please," he mumbled and tried again. Eyes like sunshine through whiskey slowly opened and stared into those like the sea during a storm. A large calloused hand reached out and touched the pale chest waiting for it. "You're so beautiful. I've always thought so but never been able to say it." A touch of pink flooded Steve's cheeks and ears. He leaned in slowly trying to steal another kiss, his eyelids sinking down but something strange interrupted him.

"Barnes wake up!"

The voice was harsh and a slap of cold hit Bucky across the face. "Barnes come on wake up!" There was fear in the voice and it took him a moment to realize it wasn't his friend, possibly his more than a friend, speaking to him. Despite everything inside telling him not to do it, Bucky forced his eyes open. He was met with a harsh nightmare compared to the comforting dream he had left behind. Planes flew overhead and all around him, through the rain and snow, Bucky could hear gunfire and screams. The perfect moment with Steve, that moment of blinding honesty and pure emotion, had all been in his head.


	8. Dancing Monkey or Lab Rat?

Author Note:

I would like to apologize for the long absence of this story. I've written a nice long chapter for y'all to try and make up for that. As always thank you for reading!

***************************************************************Steve grit his teeth, his jaw set hard, as he watched the gunman flee from the lab. The echoing ring of Peggy's gun firing after him filled the air as the now much larger blonde took off in hot pursuit of the enemy. Adrenaline raced through his veins pushing Steve harder, faster, further, after the man who had killed the only man, save Bucky, who had ever truly believed in him. More gunfire bounced around the corridor walls as he barreled through passage the man only yards ahead.

"Stop him! Stop that man!"

His voice sounded strange in his ears, mingled with the pounding of his heart. It was then that the young man realized for the first time in his short life he was running at full speed without loss of breath. His heart was pounding but within reason for the pace at which he was moving. His lungs burned but no more than they should for the push he pressed upon his new body.

"Stop him!"

Once again the cry rang out across the room as the elderly woman who had greeted both Steve and Peggy upon their arrival was gunned down. His hands trembled slightly as he barreled out the door onto the busy street. Bullets whizzed past his head, nearly grazing him, as Steve spied the enemy gunman climbing into a car. The dark vehicle pushed its way into the throng of traffic. As Steve hurried in pursuit the sound of more gunfire filled the air. To his surprise the blonde spied Peggy staring down the rampaging car, weapon raised. The man threw himself at her launching both of them out of the car's path.

"What did you do that for? I had him!" Peggy's words were like a slap in the face to Steve but he didn't have time to think on it as his attention returned to the pursuit.

"Sorry." He called over his shoulder as he bolted down the busy street. Drivers shouts and blaring car horns filled the air around him but Steve paid little mind to them as he raced with only one goal in mind. He had to catch the murder. Taking a corner too hard Steve skittered across the pavement on bare feet. His new, larger, body swung wide and went careening into a shop window shattering the glass.

"Sorry." He shouted again as he returned to his chase. Steve found himself falling behind his quarry. In a moment of desperation, he launched himself onto the nearest car. It swerved violently, the driver clearly started by the man landing on her car. With a deep breath and a prayer Steve launched himself onto the next vehicle ahead. His foot slipped briefly before he regained his balance. Like a frog across lily pads the soldier jumped from car to car until he reached the escaping enemy.

Bullets blasted through the roof of the car, buzzing past him before one finally grazed him across the ribs. A stray bullet ricocheted inside the car hitting the driver. The car collided with the fire hydrant on the street corner. The enemy gunman dashed from the car, forcing his way into the yellow Lucky Star cab. Steve threw himself at the retreating car landing hard on the roof.

His lungs burned, his heart raced, and the gash on his ribs screamed at the muscles pulled and moved. Gripping with all his new found strength Steve felt his hands began to shake slightly but no matter how much the driver, the enemy, tried to shake him Steve refused to let go.

They stopped at the docks where the gunman took a young boy hostage. The boy's mother seemed more frightened than the actual child did. Ever quick witted Steve snatched up the door from the discarded cab ducking behind it as he had with trashcan lids during more than one back ally fight.

The gunman fired several more times, slowly making his way toward the dock's edge. "Give it up Rogers. You'll never stop us." At the very edge of the high docks the dark haired gunman threw the boy to the dingy water below. Steve cried out and lunged ready to dive in after the boy. To his delighted surprise the boy smiled back at him and waved.

"It's okay. I can swim. Go get it." A faint smile tugged at Steve's lips as he nodded before bolting at full speed. It was a brief glimmer of hope in an otherwise black hour. The stranger disappeared into the cockpit of a strange vehicle which smoothly vanished under the murky water. Steve took a deep breath before diving in after the craft. He'd seen news footage of the submarines and German U-boats but he'd never seen anything like this. Ripping the glass cage surrounding the cockpit off Steve tugged the pilot out, kicked toward the surface and threw the man up onto the dock. They stared each other down, both panting breathless for a brief moment, before the soldier finally spoke.

"Who do you work for?"

Steve's voice came out uneven, almost shaky, as he demanded an answer. "Who sent you?"

The dark stranger knocked a false tooth loose and stared up at Steve defiantly. "Cut off one head, two more shall take its place." He spat before crunching down on the small pill. His body convulsed slightly as he began foaming at the mouth, the cyanide quickly doing its job.

Six months passed and Steve found himself finally on the front lines. Of course the pirate boots and tights were a surprise but at least he was doing something for his country. The USO girls finished their number and Steve stepped out onto the stage to straggly half empty crowd of mostly men. A half rotten tomato flew at him, his now familiar shield blocking it easily.

"Bring the girls back!" The shouted echoed through the small arena and Steve sighed, fighting the urge to roll his eyes. He hated this work but as he kept reminding himself it was work for his country. That's what was important.

"Alright but I think they only know the one song." This time he did roll his eyes upon exiting the stage. Grace, a pretty redhead in his dance troop, patted his arm as she passed.

"You'll get 'em next time Stevie."

The nickname stung like cold water. The only person who'd ever called him that was God only knew where battling away in the trenches. He couldn't help but flinch at the words. The kitschy music swelled on the stage as the girls began their number. Sometimes it made Steve just want to puke listening to it.

As the afternoon wore on Steve found shelter from the rain under an otherwise unoccupied tent. He'd taken to doodling to pass the time.

"Dancing monkey or lab rat? Are those your only two choices?" The warm lilt of Peggy's voice pulled Steve out of his sulking thoughts.

"Well if it were up to the Colonel I'd be trapped in a lab somewhere so yeah I guess so. Although the tights were a surprise. I suppose I'm just more used to an audience that's more… twelve." A small smile tugged at Peggy's lips but it quickly disappeared.

"Don't be too hard on yourself Steve. Your audience this afternoon is what remains of the 107th."

The pencil in his hand fell to the ground with a clatter. The blood drained from his face as Steve bolted from the open sided tent dashing through the rain. Peggy struggled to keep up with the long legged man. He skidded to a halt seeing the Colonel with an another man behind a typewriter.

"What's being done to save the men from the 107th?"

"Oh well if it isn't Captain Twinkle Toes…" Steve's eyes went hard and a scowl pushed across his face. "We're doing it. It's called fighting a war."

"I just need a name sir. Sargent James Barnes. B A R…"

"Yes, yes, I can spell. Barnes, it sounds familiar. Most likely your friend is already dead Rogers. Now if I'm not mistaken you've got a show in twenty minutes."

Steve's eyebrows furrowed as he walked away. The Colonel didn't take him seriously. The soldiers didn't take him seriously. Hell it seemed no one but Peggy and Howard took him even remotely took him seriously.

The sun was beginning to fall. Steve should have been reporting to the stage for his next performance but he found himself heading for the air field. Peggy was right on his heels.

"Steve what are you doing? You can't fly one of those." He glared at her, his eyes hard. "What will you do, walk to Austria?"

"If that's what it takes yes."

"At least let Howard and I help."

Steve fought the urge to refuse her offer and nodded. "Alright, get your man and let's go."

The odd trio found themselves flying over the large expanse of trees as they headed into the heart of enemy territory. Steve's leg jostled up and down, a nervous tick he'd always had. As they flew his mind began to wander.

 _What if I can't find him? What if he is actually… No. That can't be true. What if-_

"Hey Peggy you mind if we stop off in Lucerne for a late night fondue?" Howard's warm pleasant voice pulled Steve from his mind. His blue eyes found Peggy's own brown ones, a blush rising to her cheeks.

"Do you two… fondue?" Steve asked awkwardly. Peggy opened her mouth to correct him but was interrupted by Howard.

"We're at the drop off point, get ready."

The Captain shrugged on his shoot as Peggy explained the transponder. "When you're ready just hit the button and we'll come back for you."

"Are you sure this thing will hold up?"

"Hey that thing has had more field testing than you pal." Howard called out from the cockpit. Steve rolled his eyes but a smile played on his lips. Without much more Steve jumped from the plane. The air whistled in his ears as he plummeted to the ground. The straps of the shoot jerked hard against his body as the white fabric plumed above him. The soldier hit the ground running. It was a miracle he hadn't been spotted or shot out of the sky.

Moving on swift silent feet Steve made his way to the compound's edge. After hitching a ride on the back of a truck and taking out several guards Steve found himself inside. He had no idea where he was going but he followed his gut. Two more guards down, one taking the shield to the face, the other a sucker punch to the jaw, Steve hurried into a large room holding many round cages each containing a cluster of men.

Having pinched the keys from the guards he started unlocking the nearest cell. "Hey who are you princess?" The gruff voice startled Steve's frantic mind.

"I'm… I'm Captain America." He'd stumbled over the words slightly but considering the circumstances and the adrenaline racing through his veins it he wasn't overly surprised. He helped the first few guys out. "I'm looking for someone. Sargent James Barnes. Has anyone seen him?"

The same gruff voice who had called him out was the one to answer. "They have him in one of the labs." The speaker was a large man with a bushy mustache and a bowler hat. Steve tossed him the keys as they clambered out of the cell.

"Get these men out and then head for the forest."

"Do you know what you're doing?" It was the man with the mustache and bowler hat who spoke again.

"I've knocked out Adolf Hitler over 200 times." The men beyond the bars stared at the odd Soldier like he was mad. Steve ran without another word hurrying down the corridors searching for Bucky. He had to find him, had to save him. He knew Bucky couldn't be dead. A faint whisper of a voice seemed to pull him as he ran until he found a door left open. A familiar voice, a familiar name, drew him into the room. Strapped down to the table in the center of the room lie Steve's best friend.

"Bucky."

The name jumped from his lips, his body frozen to the spot. Outside booming explosions of the captive men fighting their way to freedom shook the walls. Steve finally shook the cobwebs from his mind and rushed to the table.

"Bucky I'm here. I thought you were dead."

Eyes like the sea in a storm stared up blankly, unfocused as Steve bent over him fiddling with the straps that confined his best friend.

"I thought you were smaller."

Steve chuckled as he broke the binds.

"I joined the army."

"Did it hurt?"

The blonde helped his friend to his feet and the pair started down the corridor looking for any sort of exit.

"A little."

"Is it permanent?"

"So far."

The playful banter between the pair was cut short as they reached a large hanger. Explosions shoot the building around them, flames licking up the walls toward their perch high above. A narrow catwalk was the only thing spanning the gap between them and the other side. Steve's mind raced as he looked for any other option but his plans were cut short by a thick voice on the other side of the gap.

"Captain America, I am a great fan of your films."

Both Bucky and Steve snapped their eyes across to the strange man in the German uniform. In an instant Steve knew the only person it could possibly be, Schmitt.


End file.
